Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
This weekend I met up with an old friend from my time as a photopass photographer at Disneyland in 2012. We hadn’t seen each other since the night before I left Anaheim to move back to Phoenix, which was about 5 years ago. We hadn’t kept in touch hardly at all, aside from the Facebook birthday wishes. He was in town visiting clients for his job and knew I was back from my travels as well and reached out to me to see if I’d like to have dinner together. I suggested a great local diner that I absolutely love for dinner and drinks. (for those of you in the Phoenix area, Welcome Diner is absolutely wonderful and I highly recommend it)
We spent hours catching up and laughing about old times, watching videos that I posted on my YouTube channel from that year. It was nice to reconnect with him and turn back time to the infant I was when we knew each other. Mayher wasn’t an intern like I was, he was a few years older, and was just wanting a little break from the typical office job. He worked there for about the same amount of time as us, about eight months total, but he hung out with our group most of the time.
Throughout the conversation, I was reminded of how much I loved photography and capturing those special moments happening around me. Now I find myself more motivated to actually start some more passion projects. (Hence the first blog post since the first one I uploaded a couple of weeks ago) Even if they’re small or quickly completed, I just need to do them. I’ll most likely publish them here…IDK, TBD. Painting things for friends are my favorite things to create, next to editing video. I’m realizing just how importing having a creative outlet is and lately, with the new job, my work-life balance is completely off.
Despite writing full-on scripts for videos, I haven’t shot a single one. I’ve even neglected to edit any footage that I’ve taken since September. It’s easy to blame my living situation for the reason I don’t go out anymore, but it’s not like it’s made things any easier.
During dinner, Mayher had made a few kind observations about me back then and who was sat in front of him now, pointing out how fun I am to be around, same as it was 5 years ago. He and I talked about travel and life experiences and we both agreed that being adventurous and ‘cultured’ are wonderful traits to have. As much as I don’t want to live in the past or with regrets in general, I really loved that time in my life and wish I could go back and get a do-over. Not necessarily because I want to change things but I’d love to relive it all to understand how to be that carefree and happy again…
This is the reason I should blog more. Deep introspection. I’m unhappy because I’m not doing things I enjoy doing/ taking the time to take care of me. Who needs a therapist when I have my own blog, amirite?
As it sometimes does, the topic of my anxiety/depression arose in the conversation and he asked me point blank, “why are you this way?”. I become very uncomfortable when people want to talk about my mental health with me, especially when they’re not close friends. Same goes with new therapists/doctors. I feel like I have to justify why I have panic attacks and that it’s possible my reasons might not be good enough. I knew he meant well by wanting to help, but that conversation usually ends up the same way. “What do you have to be upset about, just don’t worry!”….oh great, you fixed me, thanks. I don’t want this to turn into a rant, because again I did very much enjoy his company and still feel energized and inspired days later but I wanted to add that in for my own clarity because now it ties into the overall take away from this post, I guess.
TLDR; I went to dinner with an old friend, was reminded how younger me used to be. After writing this all out, I understand how important it is to take more time for you, doing whatever it is that you enjoy.
Thanks for reading & Drink more water